Friday, 20 November 2009

They Call Me Mr Creosote

I have been a fully paid up member of the Gluttons Club for many years now and there have been occasions when my capacity for scoffing has bordered on the obscene. I have actually been kicked out of a Pizza Hut before, along with another avaricious companion, after managing to get through about 20 slices of pizza each. We argued that the offer said "unlimited buffet" but the manager told us in no uncertain terms to "piss off" because we were taking the Michael. Another time springs to mind when I was invited over to the parents of a good friend of mine for a celebratory chinese takeaway. Masses of food had been ordered for our party of 8 and one by one they fell by the wayside. Except for me, I just kept ploughing on through. Once I had polished off the contents from the last plastic tray, my mate's Dad just stared at me and said "still hungry?" Seeing the twinkle in his eye, I replied "yeah I could eat more" and what followed was, well pretty disgusting really. Cheese, pate, pork pies, leftover turkey, pickled onions were brought out of the fridge and placed in front of me and well I kept going (actually it must have been around Christmas time) to the astonishment of the rest of the group. Eventually my good lady told me to stop showing off and pack it in before I burst all over the dining room. Could this capacity for hogging massive amounts of food be seen as admirable trait? Well no not really but still there have been times when my voracious appetite has got the better of me. When my eyes get far too big for my belly. It happened after my last WMPC exchange and it was a little red box what done it your honor.

Ever since I started this little project, I have been trying to pin down a date with Kavey of Kavey Eats. Not that she's been elusive or anything, just trying to co-ordinate our diaries has been difficult as she's obviously a busy little bee so I was pleased as punch when we finally sorted it out. It's interesting but she is someone that I used to follow on the BBC's very own food message board, a long time before the advent of twitter and I always enjoyed her posts on the forum. My username on there was toadydan which I mentioned to Kavey on one of the occasions that I have met her but she couldn't remember me so my posts on the BBC must have been really memorable! Still it seems that Kavey has the name Daisy fixated in her mind for me anyway (long story). But that's all neither here nor there, I was looking forward to eating Kavey's grub simply because she was one of the first foodies that I encountered on the internet. Plus she is the daughter of Mamta Gupta whose website Mamta's Kitchen is one of the best recipe resources on the net for Indian cuisine. And so I was really hoping that she was going to cook me a curry. A phone call the night before our meet-up confirmed this, although I was slightly disheartened to hear that she couldn't be effed to make me nan bread, I mean come on!

We met at Waterloo during the brunch hour and confident that I knew where I was going after the debacle for my last WMPC swop, I took Kavey to Canteen. Again taking the lead from my last visit, I recommended the Eggs Florentine (OK they weren't really my choice from the last time but hell, I'm taking the credit for it this time) and so we settled down for a nice leisurely chat before I had to get into the office for some power point hell. Topics of conversation were varied ranging from photography to the very exciting up and coming Blaggers' Banquet (which has now past, my posting on this particular WMPC has been very tardy I'm afraid). Anyway, we must have been enjoying our chat and were probably getting quite animated as at one point we were asked to keep quiet by some uptight chap in tight chinos. It seemed that there was also a film crew in the restaurant who were trying to finish one last take and we were ruining it for them. Kavey's response was very sympathetic and polite yet once squeaky arse walked off, she uttered under her breath "how rude, I'll be buggered if I lower my voice now". And so I mentally punched the air and we carried on talking, taking the volume to 11.

Alas, the hour soon was over and I had to upsticks and make it into the office. Kavey gave me the quick run through of dinner which was Shahi Paneer and Egg Curry with basmati rice and coriander. She also gave me a small red box containing 8 individual Indian sweets which looked really enticing and sent me on a trip down memory lane. I used to live in Forest Gate, East London and we had a newsagent on the corner of our road that sold them. I'll be honest and say that as a kid, I was more interested in gobstoppers and rhubarb and custard so I hadn't actually tried them before but just opening the box induced a flashback and a kind of pavlovian response. The strange sweets on the counter that I was too scared to try but really really wanted to. So I gave my thanks, kisses and thumbs up to Kavey and was on my way.

Work was on the quiet front that evening so there was no eating at the desk for this episode of WMPC although I did snaffle a green pistachio flavoured sweet in the afternoon. I soon discovered that sweet was the operative word and to be honest, I didn't really enjoy it that much, I found it intensely saccharine but nevertheless I gulped it down, the glutton that I am. When I got home later that evening, I divided up the food for myself and Mrs Food Urchin, poured out some beer and settled down and it was pretty much how I expected, superb. The paneer in particular was very good. Kavey professed that she doesn't go in for hot dishes but the cheese curry had a nice chilli kick which cut through the overall creamy richness of the dish. The egg curry, which was an unusual approach for me, was milder and gave a nice fruity balance with its tomato sauce with warm spice notes. The basmati rice was light and fluffy and as the sprinkled coriander leaves warmed up over the heated dish they gave off a lovely perfume. A fantastic effort Kavey.

What happened next though was slightly daft really. And I say next but I should say much later that evening and after much consumption of beer. Initially it was decided that the sweeties in the magic red box should be left alone in the fridge as we were quite full but Mrs Food Urchin went to bed leaving Mr FU to his own devices. So I am left sat in front of the tv and after a period I think "oh sod it, I fancy one of those sweeties now" and so I grab the box and place it on the arm of the sofa. And then I grab a pad to make notes. And then I proceed to eat through the whole lot whilst making notes. They read as follows (including spelling):
  • (form ealier) green - pistachoi - nice, no too sweet !!!
  • yellow - very - too sweet
  • pink - fruity, barry, very nice !!
  • sliver with pistach? more nutty delicate, delciate marzipan (smooth soft texture, slight meticalbolic, very good)
  • lemon - v good, rich and unctious
  • orange - fruity coconut carrot, flake pistachio
  • turkish delight - floral, rosewater, alomonds,vanilla
  • donut ball - almond, bready puppy seed, bready

Mrs FU found me on the sofa at 2AM, tossing, turning and moaning, clutching my tummy, the tv still on and with an empty red box on the floor. Like I said I'm a glutton but thanks Kavey for introducing me to the delights of barfi, mithai, halva and laddoo but maybe one at a time next time round eh?

The green one goes first!
Shahi Paneer and Egg Curry with basmati rice and coriander

The silver "meticalbolic"one

The scribblings of a drunk, mad, glutton


  1. Search engine optimisation in one - new word meticalbolic can only take you to one place - fabulous post.

  2. Ha haaa, I'm so sorry you were left clutching your tummy but I can't quite believe you ate the entire box of sweets in one sitting, virtually!

    Thank you for such a kind write up!

    I have the most apalling memory for names, hence not remembering your username from the BBC... it's nothing personal, it took me several MONTHS just to remember a handful of the most prolific posters and even now I get most of those mixed up! I'm far better at faces, besides which, Daisy suits you much better!

    Sorry about that naan bread, maybe next time!


  3. I can't eat even one Indian sweet without slumping to the floor. Falooda on the other hand is rocking.

    By the by, the 1st time I met my husband he said his name was Harold. His name is not Harold.

    The 2nd time was when a bunch of us went to Pizza Hut and he consumed 24 of those slices. It was not very appealing. Sometimes I'm not sure why I married him.

  4. Oh and I meant to add, there are some in our gang from uni who took pizza hut's unlimited buffet offer farther than pizza hut ever imagined. In their case, the manager didn't chuck them out, but the toppings got thinner and thinner, then the bases got thinner and smaller and eventually he confessed that they'd actually eaten him out of stock for most of the ingredients and they finally upped sticks. I'm amazed they could still move!

    BTW the silver one is my favourite of the bunch, the outer layer of the roll is cashew nut and the inner layer is pistachio and some kind of marzipan-like paste is made from both, fresh on the premises, I believe, of our fantastic little local sweet mart.

  5. Great post yet again - its a brilliant scam you've got running here isn't it - getting at least 1 meal a week cooked for you - credit crunch cooking for sure. What will be your end of recession tactic - hopefully not 'a wafer thin mint' .....

  6. I remember you from the message boards! I didn't realise you were on there.

  7. Ha! I didn't realise you were on the food boards either... Lizzie and I recently figured out we'd both been posting on there for years. Also where I first 'met' Mamta and Kavey!

  8. deliciously lol, sinfully fun, intoxicatingly humourous. i wont darre read your post if i were in a pack train controlling my fart.